This last week has been particularly trying for me. I’m frustrated. I’m frustrated that my body isn’t working the way it should. I’m paying an arm and a leg in treatments between physio, chiro and acupunture and I don’t seem to be making any progress. The chiropractor doesn’t seem too optimistic that I will be able to train for my half marathon. And to top it off, yesterday my back decided that it wanted in on the pain party and now I can barely move without pain. Yes, I’m frustrated.
As I went for my ultra slow walk today to try and loosen my back up, I kept seeing all the runners run by me. I kept looking at them just aching to run with them. Wishing I could lace up my running shoes and get rid of all these pent up feelings, clear my head. Longing to give my legs and lungs a great workout. I wanted to stop these runners. I wanted to grab them by the shoulders, give them a shake and say “Do you know how lucky you are to be able to run today?! Never take for granted the ability to run! When you feel like you want to give up, keep going! And do it for those that are dying to do it but can’t!!” I wanted to do this, but of course I didn’t. I’m sure it would seal my fate as the neighbourhood crazy lady. And then I’d feel the need to dye my hair blue and walk around outside in my housecoat. I’m just not there yet. Maybe in a few years.
I’m feeling rather defeated these days. The first week after my injury I was doing good. I went to spin class, I was feeling great, but something changed. Perhaps it was the realization that this half marathon probably isn’t going to happen at all. I kept hanging on to the hope that I could push through this and still train for my race but it’s not looking good. And I’m taking it out on my body. Can’t run? Fine, I won’t exercise. And I’ll just fill my body with junk as well. Because if I can’t do the things I want to do, the things that make me feel my best, then I might as well give up. Does it make things better? No, it makes things much worse. Now I feel gross. I feel guilty. I feel depressed. I feel like I’m letting people down. I feel like I’m ruining all my hard work. Why do I keep doing this to myself?
In the last week I’ve had a few people tell me that I have inspired them with my blog. And while I love that, and I’m so happy that it has helped them, it made me feel like hiding in a corner. It made me feel like a phoney. I thought, if only they knew the struggle that I’m going through they’d feel so much different about me.
So maybe that’s why I’m being honest here. I’m really struggling. And I’m trying to be accountable. I’m sick of the way I’ve been treating myself. Sick of abusing my body the way I have. Sick of feeling sick. And I’m trying to turn things around once more. So, here’s me putting it out there once again.
They say that 80% of weight loss happens in the kitchen. So instead of focusing on how much I can’t exercise, I need to be extremely focused on what I can do with my nutrition. Since I need a short term goal I’m going to set my sights on my trip up to see my family in two weeks. So for the next two weeks I need to be completely focused on nutrition. I want to prove that nutrition is where all the magic happens. I want to be good to my body and then perhaps my body will return the favour.
So let’s start a 2 Week Clean Eating Challenge. If you’ve never tried clean eating before why not give it a whirl? It’s only two weeks. Who’s with me?
For more info on clean eating check out these websites:
And for some amazing recipes grab a copy of The Best of Clean Eating 1, 2, and/or 3!